Initial diagnosis: “acute depression”
Given that this fails to take into account numerous symptoms of psychopathology which I have experienced i.e. anxiety, mania; this label does not fit.
My frustration with my misdiagnosis has led me to seek my own answer.
I mean… who knows me better than me? Who can better identify triggers for symptoms/episodes than the person who experienced it herself?
This is my current self-diagnosis and reasoning behind it:
OCPD is associated with Type A overachiever kind of individuals. I think that I have an elevated level of anxiety when it comes to academia i.e. not knowing the answer to a question on a test. This could be misconstrued as a rather unusual level of intrinsic motivation, something that society overall values and finds beneficial (“They are very motivated/ambitious/driven and will be successful!”). The drawback is when this level of anxiety which is associated with academic goals and overachieving becomes distressful, rather than motivation to be the best student one can be. For example, at UNC, there is NO WAY that I could maintain that level of overachieving behavior in all of my classes and maintain my sanity and health. Absolutely not. Perhaps, this entire thing of not being able to live up to my extreme self-set academic expectations triggered a major depressive episode. The SSRI could have also have played a role in manic symptoms. Stressful times such as exam times could trigger depressive or manic symptoms.
^That is my current conclusion/psychoanalysis of myself… OCPD with Bipolar I, with the bipolar episodes intensifying my OCPD characterisitics.
Does that make any sense?